@mackswift: Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have snacks in your purse.
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@SCbchbum: Seriously, if I were a manager at Burger King, my answer to every complaint would be, “You’re at Burger King.”
@tastefactory: If a zombie approaches you, bop it on the nose with a rolled-up magazine and say NO.
@pizzajaynow: People who only tweet inspirational stuff are the same people who reminded their school teacher about homework assignments.