@purch_s: "Ladies, please report immediately to my pants."
- Me, pretending I'm wearing pants.
@HatfieldAnne: *takes pen and notepad from psychiatrist’s hand
“This’ll go quicker if you let me do it.”
@pleatedjeans: [tells friend cat passed away]
Is there anything I can do?
Yes [holds up fur coat] put this on & lie in my lap
@KevinBuffalo: The best place to get pumpkins cheap is driving around the neighborhood at 4AM. Got 5 nice ones this morning.
@SocialustGal13: My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That's the last time we're playing Monopoly.
@jctwritesstuff: Me: I should tell him how I feel.
Vodka: Just be sweet about it.
Whiskey: Or yell it.
Tequila: MAKE SURE YOU CRY GUYS LOVE THAT