@purch_s: "Ladies, please report immediately to my pants."
- Me, pretending I'm wearing pants.
@ColIegeStudent: 18-22 is a confusing age. I got friends getting married, some in prison, and some still have to ask their parents to stay out past curfew.
@electrolemon: "ONLY 90s KIDS WILL GET THIS" I say loudly as I gesture towards my crotch
@djdarrellripley: Her: I'm sorry my baby keeps crying. He's got teeth coming in.
Me: Well, don't worry, I'll sign for them...
@moneebthinks: Me in the future: Son, you’re going to go far.
Son, fiddling with the catapult straps: I question your judgment daily.
@stockejock: SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE PREGNANT LADIES GETTING READY FOR THE BIG WEEKEND COMING UP !!!