@dubstep4dads: ladies say I'm a hamster in the sheets because I squeal when I'm uncomfortable and I leave small pellets in the bed
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LizHackett: ME: My dog's so happy I'm working from home. DOG (to camera): Honestly, a heads up would have been nice. I had shit planned today.
@KThonvold: People who genetically engineer food, why don't you make celery that tastes like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? I bet that would shut people up
@anthonyjeselnik: I believe that every single child, regardless of nationality or citizenship, should be forcibly removed from this country.
@PoonWhisperer1: The GF goes away for 10 days, *shits going to get wild * sleeps in middle of bed