@dubstep4dads: ladies say I'm a hamster in the sheets because I squeal when I'm uncomfortable and I leave small pellets in the bed
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@Reverend_Scott: Fun Fact: The human brain isn't able to register typos or grammar errors until after hitting teh Send button.
@faizziy: My friend is mad at me because I saw her using a huge tablet to make a call so I offered her a gas cylinder to light her cigarette..
@WilliamRodgers: Waitress: And what can I get for you, hon? Jesus: I'll have........ (snickering) a water