@NurseSeymour: Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he'll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
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@TwoSapphiresBlu: My kids are teenagers, and I've found the same thing fixes their bad moods as when they were toddlers: a snack and a nap.
@AnOrangeSNES: In retrospect, dressing as a killer whale when I was assigned to assassinate the Pope wasn't my best idea. I blame Ubisoft, honestly.
@JohnMayer: Them: “when are you back?” You: “next week.” (Week passes) You: “I’m back, let’s hang.” Them: “how long are you here?”
@DamienFahey: "VROOM VROOM! VROOM VROOM VROOM! SCREECH!" - Entire script for Fast and the Furious 6