@JonnyStallone: Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AllieA: My boss just sent me the heart eyes emoji. Since we're clearly being honest with each other I replied with a monkey with a gun to its head.
@okimstillhungry: Me: Whats wrong babe? Her: Nothing. Me:*Pauses DVD of Shrek 2 that Ive had on a loop since losing my job* No somethings wrong I can tell.
@DrCephalopod: ACQUAINTANCE: read any good books lately? ME: yeah, I just finished "How to Make Friends and Hypnotize People" ACQUAINTANCE: I think it's "Influence People" ME: *swinging watch* no it's not FRIEND: you're right buddy, it's not