@JonnyStallone: Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Kids: *doing something they shouldn't* Me: Stop or I'll be mad Kids: *keep doing it* Me: Stop or Mom will be mad Kids:*stop immediately*
@keeperoftheday: Girl: come over. Guy: I'm coming over. Girl: we should stop using walkie talkies in bed over.
@eeethanford: *Stubs cigarette out in palm to look tough* *waits till everyone leaves* *takes out cell phone* Hello 911? Please send all your ambulances