@JonnyStallone: Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
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@jordanrubin: "We stopped making the style of jeans that fit you perfectly right after you bought your first pair." -Every store ever
@INDlAN_: HER: let’s be open about how we really feel. I’ll go first I love you. ME: Ok well... I really, really, don’t want Naruto to end HER: wtf?
@myonlymizztake: I wish Adele would hurry up and put out another album so I could end this relationship.
@jumpdashark: My tombstone will read: If You Don't Know Me By Now, You Will Never Ever Ever Know Me.