@hazelmotes1: Ladies, you should know that if I invite you to a movie I'm only after one thing: someone with a big purse I can store all my snacks in.
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@moneebthinks: Me: Another one, barkeep! I'm not driving! Bartender: *warily makes me a third ice cream sundae*
@aka_fatman: "What does your mother do for a living?" "She sells shesells...I mean...Sea sells sea shells...dammit! She's...a beachside entrepreneur."