@goldengateblond: Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I'm hiring her as my personal trainer.
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@capricecrane: People who love dark chocolate are always so snobby about it. Relax. It's just chocolate, you elitist ninnies.
@MummaCrazy: I'm just gonna go ahead and change my boys names to "Stop making that stupid noise" and "Where are your shoes?".
@hythemafia: I've quit my new job as a postman..... .....they handed me my first letter to deliver, I looked at it and thought: "This isn't for me."