@goldengateblond: Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I'm hiring her as my personal trainer.
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@Smartticisms: Apparently champagne is the easiest alcohol to digest, so I'm going to consume several bottles to wash down my salad.
@NJPsychDoc: Marriage has taught me that communication is key. I talk to my therapist & she talks to hers. Its not perfect, but its progress.
@UNTRESOR: "Sorry, boss. I can't come in today." "Why not?" [fakes a sore throat] "I'm in jail for vehicular manslaughter."
@schmittsteve: "Why won't you loan a neighbor a cup of sugar?" [ sigh ] "You're a pile of ants wearing a bathrobe." [ bathrobe sags dejectedly ]