@goldengateblond: Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I'm hiring her as my personal trainer.
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@DVSblast: OK I GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS WHOLE HILLARY EMAILS THING. TURNS OUT THEYRE LIKE A FAST KIND OF MAIL THAT GOES IN THE COMPUTER.
@internetluke: Boy, I hate small talk. *coworkers all grimace* He's right behind me isn't he? *Small talk starts cracking his knuckles*
@iAmDelFreaky: Everybody at the party got upset when Baby Jesus turned the wine into breast milk.