@moooooog35: Lady at the dollar store checked to see if my $20 was fake. Like if I could counterfeit money I'd be shopping at the dollar store.
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@TheMichaelRock: Her: ID please Me: for? Her: alcohol Me: my beard is almost white Her: still need it Me*whispers* I know why you work at a gas station
@HeyitsLori: A guy laughed at me because I only have a 19" TV. I suggested we not laugh about how many inches things are. That shut him up.
@robfee: No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican food in a Spanish accent.
@BoogTweets: (Creating Atheists) God: Make some humans Sciencey Angel: Will they believe in you? God: No, but they'll be so surprised when we meet!