@goldengateblond: Lady at the door asked if I'd found Jesus and I was all HOW IS HE MISSING, IT WAS YOUR DAY TO WATCH HIM. I don't think she'll be back.
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@TedBundybitch: Don't mean to brag but I can turn a pair of fat pants into skinny jeans in like 3.5 months
@BuckyIsotope: I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be the man who Walked a thousand miles To throw up on your door
@sarcasm_inc: [airport security pulls Robocop aside] -Got ID? I AM A POLICE OFFIC- -Murphy eh. Looks nothin like u. THAT WAS BEFORE I GOT SH- -Save it pal
@HeatherLuvsYou: I've never considered myself a social butterfly. More like a social wasp. People run away a lot.