@TheMichaelRock: Lady GaGa is easily the scariest of all the Muppets.
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@ClaytonSykes: After buying toilet paper at Walgreens, the cashier said, "you'll need your receipt." I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life...
@zachraffio: They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart.
@MatCro: [Job interview] "How would you describe yourself?" "I'd use the appropriate adjectives." "Anything else?" "Over-literal sometimes."