@TheMichaelRock: Lady GaGa is easily the scariest of all the Muppets.
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@PaperWash: [date gets back from the bathroom] those batman toys in the tub are so cute! How old are your kids? "kids?"
@papasuncle: When your bucket of KFC starts talking about the afterlife, that is some deep fried chicken.
@ArfMeasures: *burst into doctor's office* ME: I'm no longer canstopetid DOCTOR: You mean constipated ME: No I've had a vowel movement DOCTOR: Get out
@NYC_Blonde: Dr: We need you to come back for additional blood work... Me: Why, is something wrong?! Dr: Yes. Your blood sample was mostly champagne...