@jake_lach: Lady pulled away with the gas pump still in her car and I was like OMG who's your dealer?
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@GlennyRodge: "ENTER PASSWORD" *types 'snowflake'* "RE-ENTER PASSWORD" *types 'snowflake'* "ERROR. PASSWORDS MUST BE IDENTICAL".
@JawnQSack: Marilyn Monroe died & was reincarnated into thousands of white girls who can't be handled at their worst, and aren't deserved at their best.
@thatUPSdude: I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
@TEXASVETERAN: I sing like Sinatra and have the brain of Einstein. I think that's why girls call me Frankenstein.