@jake_lach: Lady pulled away with the gas pump still in her car and I was like OMG who's your dealer?
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@moneebthinks: Me in the future: Son, you’re going to go far. Son, fiddling with the catapult straps: I question your judgment daily.
@AverageCorners: Someday, when I'm really old, I hope I can sit my grandchildren around my rocking chair and text them pearls of wisdom.
@PabloGSerski: Justin Bieber's to be the new face of Calvin Klein. Awful news given he does such a terrible job of being the current face of Justin Bieber.