@JediGigi: Lady, your baby needs to chill. This is MY Binky. I found it fair and square after "someone" threw it on the ground. Finders keepers.
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@envydatropic: In the 80s they used an egg in a frying pan to demonstrate a brain on drugs only because they didn't have Twitter in the 80s
@Brampersandon_: [2 friends fighting at Denny's] Chicken: *gritting teeth* I'll have the bacon Pig: *staring down the chicken* And I'll be having the EGGS!
@yoyoha: Are there any police officers willing to come to my house in uniform and tell my kids that not listening to me is against the law
@qwertying: Husband: Why are there broken condoms on our couch? Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names.