@JediGigi: Lady, your baby needs to chill. This is MY Binky. I found it fair and square after "someone" threw it on the ground. Finders keepers.
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@onion_an: Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please Waitress [slaps my face]: The men I please, that's none of your business
@TheBoydP: Coworker: Did you spank your sons? Me: Not a lot Coworker: What about your wife? Me: Yes, I spanked her all the time Coworker: ...
@KentWGraham: How can my wife's hands not open a jar of pickles in the day, but become superhuman vice-grips at night when I want some covers?
@JermHimselfish: Def Leppard are a bunch of liars. I poured some sugar on a girl one time and it was a complete mess, she was not happy at all.