@davedittell: LAMP FOR SALE: gold, antique, good patina, evil genie, functions like new, you will be killed, shiny, polished, be careful what you wish for
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@WhatevaConc: Make it awkward today by asking people what they did for Valentine's Day. When they answer "dinner", you should say "no...after that".
@thatUPSdude: The show Hoarders is like a snooze button for cleaning your house, "My place isn't that bad, I can go another week"
@jus4golf: When my wife and I married we both agreed we would never go to sleep angry. Neither of us has slept in 16 years.
@zachreinert03: As I get closer to 30 I start to worry about more big picture things like famine and over population in my apartment