@davedittell: LAMP FOR SALE: gold, antique, good patina, evil genie, functions like new, you will be killed, shiny, polished, be careful what you wish for
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@Mr_Kapowski: If you're ever lost in the woods, try to find a bear to kill. Their claws will provide four sweet breakfast pastries.
@Discourt: My 4yo brought his Woody doll to the store and was swinging it around. I told him loudly to stop hitting people with his Woody. Parenting.
@rolldiggity: It's going to be so disappointing if we ask aliens about crop circles and they're just like, "We hate corn."