@KenJennings: Landlocked countries with beach volleyball teams: who do you think you're fooling?
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@ShesAllNat: Mattel is launching a new Twitter Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box
@shelbyfero: "Make it two if you count my great personality - three if we include my charm! Hahahahaha oh um yes it's a table for one."
@Home_Halfway: SON: Dad what is that? ME: *Trying to remember the name of a whale* Boy that's a sea moose
@weinerdog4life: The first thing you'll need if you're planning on stealing an ostrich from the zoo is a car with a sunroof