@1followernodad: me: how can Americans be so arrogant? also me: *is mad when United States is listed alphabetically instead of at the top of a list*

@weinerdog4life: Sorry I misunderstood BYOB, what should I do with this buffalo?

@better_off_dad: United Airlines just tried to charge me $25 for the bags under my eyes.

@rachelle_mandik: the person who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a software update did not take their job seriously at all

@Social_Mime: Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don't dress nice for him anymore.