@KevinFarzad: Language is cool because it's just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
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@thagr8short1: I never try to make guests feel at home. If they wanted to feel at home, they should have stayed there.
@Smartticisms: Apparently champagne is the easiest alcohol to digest, so I'm going to consume several bottles to wash down my salad.
@abbycohenwl: "It's a banana in my pocket" "May I remind the defendant that he's under oath?" *averts eyes* "I'm glad to see you"