@KevinFarzad: Language is cool because it's just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
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@ImABaconDonut: 5: I went potty. Me: Did you remember to wipe this time? 5: No. Me: Why? 5: It's faster my way. I don't know how to counter that argument.
@BellPupper: ME: hey I’m just in time to watch the meteor shower! METEOR: um, how about a little privacy?
@TheCatWhisprer: *whispers to dog wearing a 'working dog, do not pet' vest* psst what time does your shift end?
@ClichedOut: Me: Can I start digging? Society: No wtf that's grave robbing. [waits an hour] Me: How about now? Society: Ok, now it's archaeology.