@KevinFarzad: Language is cool because it's just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
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@Underchilde: Therapist: Do you have any regrets? Me: Well, this one time— Therapist [pinches bridge of nose] Other than buying fat-free salad dressing.
@TheRealRHB: Hey Alaska wilderness show person who is about to freeze to death with no hope in sight, maybe just cuddle up with the crew filming you...
@jessokfine: [Sexting] "So, what are you wearing?" A nice blouse and a light sweater. Sensible shoes.
@weinerdog4life: One of my stuffed animals just told me I should get back on my meds, I guess someone doesn't want to be part of tea party club anymore.