@robdelaney: .@LAPD My wife made hazelnut "coffee" with my coffee maker. Send all available units.
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@RdrJay47: I'm sorry I hosed off your toddler as he walked by my house but I can't afford to get sick right now.
@CPajamaShark: I've got this great joke where I kidnap people's sticker families and leave little post-it ransom notes. Adorable or horrifying? You decide
@CornOnTheGoblin: [Bad magician coroner] is this your husband's body [widow] no [Bad magician coroner] isss this your husband's body