@robdelaney: .@LAPD My wife made hazelnut "coffee" with my coffee maker. Send all available units.
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@shashaintl: Handsome Stranger: Excuse me, but you're.. Me: Gorgeous & you've been mustering up the courage to speak to me? HS: ..blocking the pickles.
@Tommytoughstuff: "Come on man! I'm sure your superpower is cool! Show me! "Ok" *stares at two glasses of soda* the diet is on the right." "Wow um..neat..."
@WhiskeySoured: To protest Donald Sterling's racist comments I'm going to continue to not care about basketball.
@Vice_Queen: [Me flirting with a twenty something] Him: When last did you get lit? Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated.