@topaz_kell: "I can hear my annoying neighbor crying to Adele's new song as she throws away her empty, clinking beer bottles."
- my neighbor
@InternetHippo: me: phones had no caller id. you answered with no idea who was calling!
children: the old man is off his meds. he's losing it
me: my printer screeched like a pterodactyl
@sonictyrant: A spider is just a hairy raisin with legs
@hippieswordfish: 'welcome to helicopter class. any questions..'
*student raises hand*
*arm gets obliterated by chopper blades*
'can wait until we go inside'
@DurtMcHurtt: I once snuck my cat into a grocery store just to show him what a lazy hunter I am.
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