@causticbob: Lassie, get help!
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@internetluke: [i fall down the stairs & break my back] Me: Siri, call me 911 Siri: okay.. I will call you 911 from now on Me: haha nice Siri: thanks 911
@PaperWash: wish I never spent that $20 my grandma gave me when I was 12, I could really use it right now
@carlyken: If Liam Neeson keeps starring in the same film pretty soon he's going to be Taken 4: Granted
@Douchekevin: Told my girlfriend she should scream out 'my god you're huge'!! at her gynaecologist appointment to freak out the others in the waiting room