@VerifiedDrunk: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day you told me you're gay....
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@bornmiserable: [me, taking a drug test at work] the company didn't specify which drugs we had to take to prepare for this, so I took them all
@leechee420: Listen google, it's 2015. I need you to figure out who I'm talking about when I type "that one guy in that movie I didn't like."
@rickygervais: The people who shout the loudest about their all powerful God protecting them & delivering them from any evil, also own a gun, just in case.