@VerifiedDrunk: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day you told me you're gay....
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@jenniferfralic: Remember to horrify your friends and family by testing out your tweets on Facebook today
@Donna_McCoy: I'm looking at the serving size of Laughing Cow cheese and I see why the cow is laughing.
@CulturedRuffian: I just want the confidence of my grandpa in church taking a call from the pharmacy on speaker phone to confirm his Viagra prescription.