@VerifiedDrunk: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day you told me you're gay....
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@BuckyIsotope: Just beat Eminem 4000 straight times at musical chairs by playing "The Real Slim Shady" over and over.
@TheMichaelRock: Nice try, Team USA. Not bad for a country that only cares about soccer for two weeks every other year!
@iwearaonesie: me: Did you brush your teeth? 9: Yes me *hands him a glass of orange juice* 9: Do I have to? me: Yep. Told you not to touch my Cheetos