@BrettDruck: Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it's to be less of a nerd.
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@jake_likes_naps: [at bar] Gee, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse *nearby horse slams down his whisky* COME ON THEN TOUGH GUY *horse throws the 1st punch*
@becks_bradley: Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector and fire is real.
@noog: Just heard a little boy call his mom "mother," as if both had already accepted the fact that he'd become a serial killer some day.