@SonOfCha: Last night a burglar broke into my house but I quickly popped open a bag of potato chips & hid in all that free space.
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@EndhooS: "What's for dinner?" Updog & chips. "Does updog have gluten in it?" No..wait..you're supposed to say... "You know I can't have gluten Karen"
@mydaughtersarmy: The horror and trauma of explaining homosexuality to a child, as told by an internet mom.