@SonOfCha: Last night a burglar broke into my house but I quickly popped open a bag of potato chips & hid in all that free space.
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@TheBoydP: [Newlywed Game] Bob Eubanks: Describe your wife as an animal Me: *flips card* Owl Wife: Who? Me: You Wife: Who? *Bob and I high five*
@jimmytorosian: [commercial] Narrator: These are real people and not actors- Actor watching the commercial: *throws lamp at TV* WE'RE PEOPLE TOO!
@TheTweetOfGod: Retweet this and something good will happen at some point in the near future that you can choose to attribute to having retweeted this.