@causticbob: Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth.I woke up half an hour later and my whole house was on the internet
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@jimmy_sharpe: I just know my cause of death will be trying to scoot my office chair around as fast as possible.
@Fred_Delicious: "Members of the jury, how do u find the defendant?" "we... can't find him at all" "DAMMIT THIS IS THE 3RD MURDER WALDO HAS GOTTEN AWAY WITH"
@TheMichaelRock: Why look something up on Google when you can ask the question on Facebook and let everyone know you're an idiot?
@marebytes: Brutally honest? I'm always honest ... I guess the brutality would depend on your level of aversion to the truth