@causticbob: Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth.I woke up half an hour later and my whole house was on the internet
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@squirrel74wkgn: *walks in at 3am* Wife: OMG, what happened? Me: I was attacked. [front door 5hrs later] Neighbor: What happened to our inflatable Santa?
@HatfieldAnne: My mother had a cure for slouching. I still flinch when there's movement in my periphery, but I've got posture like a Marine.