@causticbob: Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth.I woke up half an hour later and my whole house was on the internet
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@T_Bonezzz_: [INFOMERCIAL] "Order now and receive 50% off The Clapper. CLAP ON.. CLAP OFF.. THE CLAPPER" Tyrannosaurus rex: *Sighs... *Changes channel
@B0niferd: My swimsuit told me to go to the gym today but my sweatpants were like nah girl you're good.