@causticbob: Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth.I woke up half an hour later and my whole house was on the internet
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@LackOfShame: The funniest thing about being sober is someday finding out that you were the mayor of Toronto.
@DevilryFun: I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I'll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
@jonnysun: *sees sister's facebook post that her dog died* how do i tell her i love her & i'll always be there for her *clicks sad face button* perfect