@PimpBillClinton: Last night I finally slept with a woman who has a Coke bottle figure. Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter.
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@_Bankrobber_: "Weltengesichtpfeifenschuldigung" is the German word for "accepting as a fact something you've just been told without bothering to check".
@dafloydsta: [on a date] *wonders if she'll steal my fries while I use the restroom* *shakes Magic 8 ball* "YES" *takes plate of fries with me*
@notshivi: The year is 2075. A student asks how World War 3 began. The teacher responds with "Well, James Franco and Seth Rogen made a movie..."