@PimpBillClinton: Last night I finally slept with a woman who has a Coke bottle figure. Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter.
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@ANNIEwayyyy: Every since my Grandma discovered Netflix she’s been calling me w/ suggestions like “ok write this down, it’s called Friends, F-R-I-E-.....”
@dru0887: When someone says “No Biggie”, I reply with “not since ‘97” and immediately break down crying