@PimpBillClinton: Last night I finally slept with a woman who has a Coke bottle figure. Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter.
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@pstamato: [7:30pm] Tonight I'll actually go to bed on time and get sleep! [2:30am] the most money ever paid for a cow at an auction was $1.3 million
@Scimommy: Overheard 10 plan her b-day party with her BFF, including renting several hotel rooms for a mega sleepover. Somebody tell her, I can't.
@david8hughes: Me: can we stop by my house so I can grab my pillow & my phone charger? It's like 10 minutes from here Arresting officer: no
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "This new flavour of Pringles is horrible." Wife: "You're eating a tube of tennis balls."