@PimpBillClinton: Last night I finally slept with a woman who has a Coke bottle figure. Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter.
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@discountzen: I went to walmart today. I got the cart with three wheels and a hoof. This always happens to me.
@online_rat: my son wont get past his bridge troll phase. its a phase all children have, where they live under a bridge and rob people with a gun
@stephenjmolloy: [Job interview] "You list communication as a strength" Yes "Care to elaborate?" No
@robdelaney: Man next to to me just said into his phone "You caught me in the middle of a sandwich." He's lying. He is not in a sandwich.