@PimpBillClinton: Last night I finally slept with a woman who has a Coke bottle figure. Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter.
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@archerenemy: Twitter...because if it can't be described in 140 characters or less, did it really ever happen?
@jjhartinger: I don't really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense. Like a Bear at mile 3.
@deathoftheparty: read this from top to bottom to discover just how much movement your eyebrows are capable of
@SatansTongue: (First date) Me: Don't let her know you're a satanist Her: So what do you do for fun? Me: ＷＨＡＴＥＶＥＲ ＴＨＥ ＤＡＲＫ ＬＯＲＤ ＣＯＭＭＡＮＤＳ