@SortaBad: Last night I found out you can make a lot of people REALLY angry if you dress in a Star Trek costume and also carry a light saber
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@MrT1M: Public restrooms are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet and is wearing heels on one pair.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: 911: What's your emergency, sir? Me: I'm being taken away by ducks! I'm being- 911: Please don't do this, sir M: AbDUCKted! 911: *hangs up*
@_green723: If you successfully toss a quarter 5 times through the moving blades of a ceiling fan, you are talented and stoned.
@david8hughes: [steps off crosstrainer] "Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--" "Shall I call an ambulance?" "Please."