@SortaBad: Last night I found out you can make a lot of people REALLY angry if you dress in a Star Trek costume and also carry a light saber
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@HansGrubertron: The gorilla and I maintain eye contact, separated by only an inch of glass. He scratches his head... I scratch mine. He touches his chest... I touch mine. He shits in his hand... my wife drags me away.
@sammyrhodes: Watching Dora with the kids this morning. I wish her parents would just get her an iPhone.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: Satan: And this is the TV room. Me: This isn't so bad. *turns on TV* *only thing showing is golf*
@kjmeow: "FOR SALE: blender, like new. Does NOT make things taste like crayons ALSO FOR SALE: wax fruit, slightly scratched."