@jus4golf: Last night I got so drunk I spent an hour apologizing to a tree for saying it's bark was worse than it's bite.
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@sbellelauren: thank god 50 shades of grey got the R rating they wanted because what kid under 18 wouldn't want to watch 50 shades of grey with a parent
@KevinBuffalo: When my cousin came out as gay, his parents wanted him to see a psychiatrist. Which is too bad. Cuz he was already seeing a handsome lawyer.
@BubblesnBooze: I just found a human tooth and a pair of underwear in my purse. I might be a serial killer or I might be a mom, you'll never know.