@Bearslietoo: Last night I slept for 6 hours straight then 1 hour gay.
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@krisv_723: Him: I just got stung. I'm allergic. Grab me my EpiPen. Me: Do you know how much those cost? Have a Benadryl.
@unravelingfire: People say I'm not very responsible, when in fact I'm responsible for "pajama casual" being added to the employee handbook as inappropriate.
@MiddleageM: This lady just licked her finger and wiped her daughters face... <--Hands her some Listerine and gets in line to be cleaned