@mikeleffingwell: Last night I slept for 8 hours straight, and then for 2 hours gay.
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@pissrifle: this is ur brain *an egg* this is drugs *a frying pan* this is ur brain on drugs *egg & frying pan wearing sunglasses*
@Midgetspar: I received a basketball in the mail from Amazon. I haven't played basketball in 20 years but apparently drunk me thinks I'm Michael Jordan.
@Tw1tter_K1tten: I did laundry for 7 miles according to my Fitbit that I accidentally washed and dried.