@online_shawn: Last night I went to a hardware store with my dad and a lady was leaving the store with a shovel and my dad yelled UH OH SHOVEL TIME at her
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@abbycohenwl: [sexting] He: What are your measurements? She: 36, 24, 36, 19, 72, 54, 2, 14, He: WTF She: I A M T H E K R A K E N
@JVarsityCaptain: I just want to hug this out. With my hands around your neck type of hug. What I mean is, I want to strangle you.
@noog: Cop: Is that a turtle? Me: ... Cop: Painted blue? Me: ... Cop: With nails glued on? Me: ... Cop: Mario Kart's not real Me: YOURE NOT REAL