@beardofprey: last night my dog shit on the floor then at some point the Roomba came and smeared it all over the house :D
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@KKAlThani: I was in a good mood when suddenly twitter went down & I ran over a blind man, tasered a baby, killed a puppy & set myself on fire.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I would've been terrible in 50 Shades because the second a guy said "I don't do romance" I would laugh and be like NOBODY SAYS THAT BYE
@itchyturtle: Rent boat. Go out to sea. Find sperm whale. Tell him he's called sperm whale. Console sperm whale. Have fun with new whale best friend.