@EtobicokeErnie: Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
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@XplodingUnicorn: If you still have a landline, I assume you also own a butter churn and ride a dinosaur to work.
@zachreinert03: I've never understood the whole 'burying people for fun at the beach'. The cops will just find the bodies when the tide comes
@charmfoz: If you have 6+ numbers after your name as part of your Twitter handle I can only assume you're an inmate & tweeting from prison.