@AIMMadellynne: Last night,my friend changed all my contacts in my phone.I've been texted by Batman Donatello,Hermione Granger.I have no idea who they are.
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@MasterOfMoppets: These coffee flavored rice cakes are delicious, but chewy. [eats another coaster]
@juliussharpe: Facebook's "People you may know" should be called, "People you definitely know and have been avoiding".
@awesomelocks: Woman: The bees are dying. random male: I don't know what kind of men YOU hang out with but I'M not killing bees.
@realHamOnWry: The human brain starts working the moment you're born and never stops until your wife asks where you were last night.