@badbanana: Last-second gift idea. Bring a tag and put it on any present already under the tree. Call other person a liar. Be willing to fight him/her.
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@curlymalloy: An Apple a day may keep the Doctor away!!!... But an Onion a day keeps Everybody away!!!
@DanMentos: “Hello, 911” Help I’m being murdered! “Can you put the murderer on please” what “Gotta hear both sides"
@dril: glorious crime spree after being fired from wal mart., expertly hopping fences, chugging all the seeds out of my neighbors bird feeders,
@MichaelTrying: Dear Evolution, It’s a conference call, not a bear attack. How about making me super eloquent instead of the heart rate and adrenaline?