@badbanana: Last-second gift idea. Bring a tag and put it on any present already under the tree. Call other person a liar. Be willing to fight him/her.
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@stephenjmolloy: Greg: "You've put Christmas decorations up?" Ian: "I know it's only November but-" Greg: "We work in a morgue, Ian. A morgue."
@kelkulus: Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I'd probably have done better if they'd specified that they didn't mean by tickling.