@AristotlesNZ: Last time I wore my celery costume out in public I was arrested for stalking.
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@sexorpizza: Friend: Hey guess what? Me: What? Friend: No, guess! Me: I don't need this friendship that bad.
@Elizasoul80: Person I tried to rob describing me to the police: "long hair, wearing pajamas, honestly she didn't seem very committed to it."
@vapidaccount: It's really hard to be stealthy while carrying half a box of Tic Tacs. The more you know.