@lovemydogduck: Last year my ex and I dressed as opposing political parties for Halloween... best hate sex we ever had.
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@Ideal_Victoria: Just once, I want someone to look at me and say, “That’s her. She’s the one” And not follow it with “who ate cake out of the garbage”
@IRLPepperMD: [guy wearing a ski mask holds a gun to my head] "please go skiing with me I am so alone"
@pungodly: Apparently "I don't like scary movies," is not an appropriate response to being asked to watch a wedding video.