@lovemydogduck: Last year my ex and I dressed as opposing political parties for Halloween... best hate sex we ever had.
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@randomapeig: Cop: seen anything unusual? Me: a dolphin with a hat once Cop: I mean around here Me: nah they live in water
@AbiWilks: My toddler just asked me "mummy why do people think falsely attributing quotes to my preschool peers lends their bad opinions authenticity?"
@summerofbenny: Did a little math tonight. Need to do 3,527 hours of cardio to get down to my ideal weight by summer, and not consume any calories.
@Flykins: regardless means without regard irregardless means the same as regardless except you never had any English classes