@lovemydogduck: Last year my ex and I dressed as opposing political parties for Halloween... best hate sex we ever had.
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@hpb777: Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
@TheBoydP: I heard that no real accountants were consulted during the filming of the new movie The Accountant. They want the movie to be entertaining.
@ParentNormal: VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year