@lovemydogduck: Last year my ex and I dressed as opposing political parties for Halloween... best hate sex we ever had.
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@alispagnola: I asked my friend what keeps her up at night. She answered, "helium." Also, my friend is a balloon.
@GabbbarSingh: Blackberry users thought of making a joke abt the Apple-Samsung battle, but before they cud tweet thr phone hanged n battery drained out
@bornmiserable: ME: Whoa, these people are hardcore Goths CORONER: How many times do I have to tell you that they're corpses, you're looking at corpses
@peaceintruth1: I'm at my quickest when I try to follow someone out of the bathroom so I don't have to touch the handle.