@AmberTozer: Lately I've been really honest with people and so far only 47 people are mad at me
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@DaHess1: If you're a white guy and walk into Home Depot without wearing sunglasses on top of your head, they legally don't have to sell you anything.
@causticbob: I recently got a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, "I don't know. I don't speak Chinese." Then when people ask me what it means...
@juliussharpe: At the coffee shop, I saw a German guy reading the first few pages of a book about WWII and smiling. Keep reading, buddy. Keep reading.
@fatherofcomedy: If u ask me to baby sit 3 and at d end of d day can find only 1, dat is not a reflection on me as a babysitter.i was nevr gud at maths