@4shish: "Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
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@tastefactory: DOCTOR: You've suffered a brain injury. It's affected your hippocampus ME:What? Lol sorry I was picturing hippos at college. Who are u again
@thenoahkinsey: *on a 1st date* Her:..and I have 3 cats Me: Swipe left H: Did you say "swipe left"?! M: H: M: *panicked whisper* swipeleftswipeleftswipeleft
@GreatestWeight: I can't come into work. I opened a cursed sarcophagus and now I gotta put a pharaoh's soul to rest. I DUNNO, TAD, I'LL PROBABLY BE IN MONDAY
@bencoffeehall: I joined a Cold War reenactment group. We just sit around and act nervous about the USSR.