@WoodyLuvsCoffee: LAUGH IT UP NOW MILLENNIALS! IN 30 YEARS YOUR FAVORITE ACTORS WILL BE TALKING TO YOU ABOUT REVERSE MORTGAGES.
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@caithuls: ME: If you won a gold medal you’d wear it all the time too FRIEND: Ok but that’s a parking ticket
@KeetPotato: wife: "no one will remember dont worry" me: "ok" [2 mins into my high school reunion] guy: "yo are you the dude that brought a dog to prom?"