@WoodyLuvsCoffee: LAUGH IT UP NOW MILLENNIALS! IN 30 YEARS YOUR FAVORITE ACTORS WILL BE TALKING TO YOU ABOUT REVERSE MORTGAGES.
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@MikeBigby: [Airport security supervillain screening] AGENT: Spell 'haha' ME: OK, 'M',-- AGENT: ur under arrest
@chopper4jk: I got new neighbors today, I hope they like my music as much as the last 9 families did.
@OhhScarlet23: My husband and I have been in an open marriage for five years. I hope he's ok with it when he finds out.
@dril: my favorite part of nascar is when I vomit all over my shirt and car after the race., desecrating the logos of the brands that enslave me