@WoodyLuvsCoffee: LAUGH IT UP NOW MILLENNIALS! IN 30 YEARS YOUR FAVORITE ACTORS WILL BE TALKING TO YOU ABOUT REVERSE MORTGAGES.
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@UncleDuke1969: Brain: Compliment her eyes Me: Yeah? Brain: Trust me "YOUR EYES ARE BLUE LIKE BLUEBERRIES & THEY'RE PROBABLY SQUISHY TOO." Brain: Perfect!
@_Bankrobber_: "Weltengesichtpfeifenschuldigung" is the German word for "accepting as a fact something you've just been told without bothering to check".
@pixelatedboat: "They call me Mr Six Hours," I told her, trying to make it sound like a sex thing not the amount of time my head was stuck in a beehive for