@ImTheSheriff: Laughed so hard tears ran down my leg.
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@carlyken: I'm trying to teach my toddler how to headbang but he's pissed because he wants a bottle. I told him to save that anger for the mosh pit.
@JermHimselfish: Proper punctuation can be the difference between a tweet being well written and a tweet being well, written.
@Juven_Naidoo: A policeman walks into a bar. The bar is now being charged for assaulting a police officer.