@KKAlThani: Laughter is the best medicine. Depression is the best food. Happiness is the best animal. I don't know since we're clearly making stuff up.
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@Sickayduh: "Dude, what's with the outfit?" "Bruh, I got a job as a bouncer" *hops away in kangaroo costume*
@AnniemuMary: Genetics are weird. Like only 1 of the kids got my hair color but all of them got my husband's inability to fully close a drawer.
@RobinMcCauley: A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.
@InternetHippo: [my cell phone rings] ME (a person who pays a monthly fee to allow this): Ugh why is this happening