@DaddyJew: Laughter is the best medicine, unless you can afford cocaine.
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@pixelatedboat: Who are you going to trust, some real doctor who says it's impossible to make you a centaur, or me, the guy with a hacksaw and half a horse?
@IamEveryDayPpl: Me: Can I leave early today? Boss: No. Me: Can you leave early then? Boss: What? Me: What?
@P1ssed_K1d: My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil. I still don't know how much she charges him though