@HollyHeals: Laughter is the best medicine........unless you have Morphine. Then Morphine is the best medicine.
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@silent_musings: I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case.
@KalvinMacleod: BRAIN: it's 4am u up? ME: leave me alone B: who was our grade 5 teacher? M: stop B: why's our eye itchy? M: I'm ignoring u B: engage bladder
@DaddyJew: Trainer: have you been sticking to your diet? Me: *tries to mumble yes but a chicken wing falls out of my mouth*