@JasonLastname: Law enforcement's cracking down on texting while driving, but there's no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
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@AndyAsAdjective: A lot of people ask me "why do you lie about the high number of people asking you things?"
@Sickayduh: "Well, congrats. You're a homeowner now. Any questions?" "Yeah. Sam put those glasses on eBay, why didn't the Decepticons just bid on em?"
@jrsalzman: Twitter has taught me a couple things. First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world. Second, they are vastly outnumbered.
@TheAlexNevil: Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul...to keep... If I shall die before I wake-- Yah, I really don't like where this is going.