@ibid78: LAWYER: Your Honor, I'd like to approach the bench
BENCH: I have a boyfriend
@XplodingUnicorn: I follow anyone who has "18+" in their bio.
I'm waiting for them to post the second half of the math problem.
@aPunch2theJunk: HAVE SOME FUN WITH YOUR LIFE:
Whisper "You should have killed me when you had the chance" to the person in the bathroom stall next to you.
@WorkingMom86: My son got very excited about all the toys he found when I cleaned behind the couch, I should have waited till Christmas morning to do that
@Rollinintheseat: [blind date]
Him: "I'm a big Beethoven fan."
ME *trying to impress him*
"Saint Bernards are my favorite dog breed."
@thebeavs: When God was handing out obstacles I thought he said popsicles and said I'll take one of each variety.