@ibid78: LAWYER: Your Honor, I'd like to approach the bench
BENCH: I have a boyfriend
@joshgondelman: If I have a son, he's going to be named Alvin Simon Theodore, and it'll be funny as hell whenever anyone gets mad and yells his full name.
@Jagershot901: Hot singles in your area want you to come over and load their dishwasher correctly.
@ericsshadow: I hear all these Trump supporters saying they support him because he speaks his mind. Well you know who else speaks his mind? My 4 year old.
@Reverend_Scott: [picks up hitchhiker]
"Hope ur not a mass murderer. Haha"
Actually I am.
I'm technically a serial killer.
@dreamthievin: "Ducklings are baby ducks," I say as I set the appetizer on the table. "Enjoy your dumplings, Ma'am."