@MartinMurtagh: Laying in bed with the wife last night, she asked "what would you like to do most to my body?""identify it" probably wasnt the right answer
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@joss: Mean people tell me "you've got a face only a mother could love" but the joke's on them because she didn't
@thatdutchperson: [first date] Her: I just love eating clean and staying healthy, you know? Me:*flashback to the time I cry-ate two lasagnas* Totally
@JustaFunEscape: Twitter to me is like the Bermuda triangle. I don't know how I got here and I'm not even sure where "here" is.
@QwertyJones3: HER: I'll only agree to do nudity if it's done tastefully PRIEST: And I understand the groom has also written his own vows