@MartinMurtagh: Laying in bed with the wife last night, she asked "what would you like to do most to my body?""identify it" probably wasnt the right answer
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@beefman138: *Gets arrested for making prank phone calls [At Police Station] "You can make one phone call" *Dials random # "Is your fridge running?"
@rose24_em: He whispered in my ear that he liked being called daddy. I whispered back that I liked being called a cab.
@pork_steaks: "Was this car tested on animals?" "sir animals can't drive" "will this car enable animals to drive?" "No" "SO YOU DID TEST IT!" "god damnit"
@jimmytorosian: Don't drop the soap in prison because someone might steal your soap and then you will be "the dirty guy" and no one will have sex with you