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@Mr_Mike_Clarke: LAZINESS LEVEL: PRO!
@NJPsychDoc: My stages of drunk:
1. You're UGLY
2. You're HOT
3. You're BEAUTIFUL
4. Your HONOR in my defense......
@davedittell: WIFE: Dave's here
HUSBAND: Dave from work or Dave who always wears scarves?
ME: [from downstairs] I got caught in the ceiling fan again!
@robfee: Frozen (2013): A girl with magical powers causes adults to talk nonstop about a movie for children
@TEXASVETERAN: I just swallowed my record player's needle and nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happe
@robfee: I hate how everybody is acting like they love this new pope so much and they're such big fans but probably can't even name 3 of his songs.