@patnspankme: *leads a conga line off of a bridge
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@UniqueDude2: [Meeting girlfriend's parents] Me: Well Mrs. Ashford, I can see where Elle gets her good looks! <Mr. Ashford sulks the rest of dinner>
@HeidiCF8: Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I like cake.
@trevso_electric: Nice job Instagramming your plane ticket with enough personal information to take out a mortgage in your name.