@GrantTanaka: *leads wife into bedroom where rose petals on comforter spell out “NO, YOU TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE”
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@SteveSuckington: [first date] Me: so u just wanna poke ur straw thru that little hole Her: I know how juice boxes work Mom: well isn't she a feisty one?
@UncleDuke1969: Me: C'mon. Dog: No. Me: Let's go. Dog: No. Me: Please? Dog: YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!? Me: It's just rain. Dog: I already pooped in your shoe.
@PsychoCesc: The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low.