@GrantTanaka: *leads wife into bedroom where rose petals on comforter spell out “NO, YOU TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE”
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@meganamram: Idea: "Celebrity Price Is Right" where Gwyneth Paltrow guesses that loaves of bread cost $460
@orange_rhymer: *armadillo comes rolling back in the ball return* "Wait.. if you're here, then..." *cut to wife sobbing at bowling ball* "UNCURL, FREDRICK!"
@jwoodham: What's my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I'm describing my bed again.
@nbadag: PASTOR: and the lord said unto us—can u stop please? it's very distracting ME: [bouncing up & down on yoga ball] i don't think he said that