@DatingLeah: Learn cursive, they said. You'll need it your whole life, they said.
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@dmc1138: This one time, I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
@WheelTod: My boss has a rather shrill phone voice. I once spent 20m talking to him, before realizing it was actually someone trying to send us a fax.
@joe_binkley: My childhood has prepared me for a lot more bear-related pic-a-nic-basket thefts than I'm currently experiencing.
@truegritrumble: PERSONAL TRAINER: How's your nutrition? ME: *dipping my burrito into custard* Not going to lie. It's been worse.