@sammyrhodes: Learned from my 2yr old tonight that Jesus doesn't like bananas. No word on cauliflower yet but pretty sure he's not a fan.
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@aka_fatman: Hamburgler: Success! Look at this amazing haul of these McDonald's burgers! Hamburgler's Mum: *sobbing* Your brother is an architect.
@LackOfShame: The funniest thing about being sober is someday finding out that you were the mayor of Toronto.
@SondraDeeMe: COP: *draws gun* PARTNER: *looking over his shoulder* Someone needs to go to art school. Looks like a platypus.