@sammyrhodes: Learned from my 2yr old tonight that Jesus doesn't like bananas. No word on cauliflower yet but pretty sure he's not a fan.
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@TragicAllyHere: Hmm... kkkk (too many) kkk (too racist) kk (looks like a typo) k (that'll work) Why you see my texting bubble for 10 min before getting "k"
@murrman5: "did you ever get married?" [wife looks around her old gym at high school reunion and sees me debating if I can touch the rim] no
@wittwitbarista: With the magic of makeup, I go from tired old hag to tired looking old hag with eyeliner.